A shocking development has occurred in the nation’s capital as President Obama signed Bill 7 Spanish Angels into law at 9:25 EST. This is in response to the growing number of Muslims in the United States not caring for country music. The new
bill law explicitly states that any song with the following words mentioned are hereby prohibited:
- Any mention of a truck bed
- Anything about farming, ranching, or livestock- including but not limited to activities, buildings, and equipment
- Anything Luke Bryan or Florida Georgia Line
- Anything with the term “redneck” or “good ole boys”
- Anything about the headache in a can known as Bud Light
- Anything with a fiddle
- Especially anything to do with a dirt road
- The full list can be found here.
Any song found with such lyrics will be pulled from on-air radio and their record deals will be forfeited.
This, of course has angered the rabid fan base of country music and country music stars. Super star Charley Pride has been quoted to say “I can’t believe you stopped loving me.” Hundreds of other artists are equally upset. Carrie Underwood has gone beyond words and into action and admitted to “(She) dug (her) key into the side of (Obama’s) pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive, carved (her) name into (Obama’s) leather seats. (She) took a Louisville slugger to both headlights, slashed a hole in all 4 tires. Maybe next time (Obama’ll) think before he’ signs another law like this.” Of course nothing has been confirmed. If she did assault the President’s vehicle, she will land herself into a world of trouble.
The leaders in Nashville (more commonly known as “Nash Vegas”) has already started their plan to, once again, find loopholes in the federal law and exploit them. Tennessee governor Bill Haslem has released the following statement to President Obama, “Although this is a complex issue and one that ultimately must be solved at the federal government level, governors are rightly concerned about the impact on states” Full letter can be found here.
Taylor Swift fans can take a deep and collective breath. Apparently, her music hasn’t been considered country since 2008. It is wildly speculated that it is the dumb Romeo and Juliet song that pushed her out of the country genre and into the teeny-bop world. Upon learning this, Swift commented “I’m laughing so hard while crying, then laughing more. Is this a psychotic break?”
Notable hip-hop/movie star Ice Cube was quiet on the passing of the bill and did not release any statements regarding it. Regardless, it seems that America is slowly shunning out the hate to promote tolerance and a welcoming environment. This has been Obama’s main objective ever since he was sworn in incorrectly then correctly back in January 2009. Perhaps we can all lay our heads down on our pillows tonight and rest easy, knowing we never have to listen to Luke Bryan begging to have one of his stupid, crappy, redundant songs played over and over.
Ugh, Shut Up, Luke!
(Note: None of this is to be taken seriously. Although this is a satire, I have a deep respect for Islam and country music artists. Except Luke Bryan, that part was real!)
To read more April Fools post, check out Fool Me Once